English Please!

Once a month, my friends and I go to get our nails done together. Usually a relaxing experience, we are welcomed by the nail salon employees, who speak kindly to us as they paint our nails. Yet, I always seem to leave the salon a little unnerved.

The source of my irritation? The entire time that I am getting my nails done, the salon employees are chatting to one another in their native languages, usually Chinese or Korean. And I can’t shake the feeling that the employees are all talking about my friends and I, making jokes and side-comments because they know we cannot understand what they are saying.

I’m not alone in this feeling, which often makes me think that my suspicion is correct. My friends share my theory, along with millions of other Americans. An episode of Seinfeld is dedicated to this topic, in which Elaine is so sure that the women who do her nails are talking about her, she brings a translator to the nails salon and discovers her hunch is true. One can even like a Facebook page titled, “I always Feel the Chinese People at Nail Salons are Talking about me.”

So I asked my friend, whose mother owns a salon,  for the truth on the matter. Her response: “Yeah, they talk about customers all the time.”

Even if we do not know for certain if the employees are speaking about us, why do we find them speaking in another language so bothersome? It is because it makes us feel as though we are left out of the joke; we don’t know what is going on or what they are saying, and we understand that most likely its something about us. The employees are going out of their way to make us feel uncomfortable—they know how to speak English, but choose to leave their customers in the dark.

Why do they do this? P.M. Forni, cofounder of the John Hopkins Civility Project, explains in his book Choosing Civility, that “By putting down someone who is not present, we seek to establish a complicity of sorts with someone who is” (65). Because the customers are clueless as to what the employees are saying, its as though the customers are absent when the workers speak Chinese. Forni is saying that the employees do this in attempts to “strengthen the connection with those around us” (65). However, this is a false sense of “connection” as it is rooted in putting others down, creating a short-term feeling of “we are better than the customer.”

But in the end, putting others down to unite us together just makes us feel worse about ourselves. It is a well-known fact that gossiping and speaking ill of others doesn’t make us feel better overall. Therefore, nail salon employees need to stop using this tactic to talk about their customers. These customers are paying the salon for its services, and I think I’m right in saying that asking the employees to show respect by speaking in English is a fair request.

Tired of Holding

Last week, I answered a phone call from my angry father, asking me what I was thinking buying seventy dollars worth of applications and games for my phone. Shocked, I told him that I had not bought anything of the sort—that there must have been a mistake on the bill. He told me to call AT&T right away and figure out why they had claimed on the bill that I had done so, letting me know that I was in trouble if I didn’t resolve the issue.

So I did. I walked into my dorm room, Googled the AT&T Customer Services number and called it. A recording answered the phone, leading me through a series of questions in which I answered by pushing numbers on the phone. Estimated time: 10 minutes. I was then transferred to another recording in which I actually had to speak, answering simple questions repeatedly because the recording had difficulty comprehending what I was saying. Estimated time: 15 minutes. Eventually the recording gave up trying to decipher my words. I was then put on hold to speak to a real person, only to be dropped from the phone call a minute after an assistant answered. Estimated time: 10 minutes. Total time: 35 minutes—with nothing resolved.

Frustrated, I called back and went through the 30-minute process again, determined to talk to a supervisor and let them know how unsatisfactory their customer service was. When I did relay my opinion to an employee, she seemed unfazed, giving me an unconvincing, “M’am I’m sorry that your experience with AT&T customer services has been this way, but there isn't anything I can do about it.”

Over an hour later, I had finally solved the issue, yet I still remained dissatisfied. I spoke to my suitemates about what had happened, and their responses alarmed me. They both told me of similar experiences they encountered with phone companies!

So I ask this: What gives any company the right to treat its customers this way? 

Too often, businesses, especially big (phone!) companies treat a customer uncivilly and not as a person—pawning the client off to talk to recordings and computers that ask a series of complicated questions, eventually requesting that the consumer “Please hold.” This has become acceptable because corporations no long treat their customers as people. Instead of giving their customers what they deserve—an employee to talk to from the beginning—the company chooses to use the quickest, and cheapest way to deal with the problem, not the most respectful or helpful. According to Stephen L. Carter, author of the Book Civility, a key component of civility is respect, which businesses tend to lack when dealing with costumers. Companies need to reevaluate their “customer service,” ensuring that they treat their customers civilly, showing their clients that they care for them. Because I, along with millions of others, am tired of it. If the businesses I support do not improve how they treat their clients, I’m searching for new companies that do treat their customers better.  Maybe it will take some time; maybe I’ll have to switch to smaller companies. But I know I am right in my demand for change, for isn't “The customer always right?”

Honor thy Mother and Father? Please.

“Dad are you kidding me? I deserve those Tory Burch flats, you owe me them. It’s unfair how little I get compared to all my friends.” This was the first line I heard come out of a girl standing in line in front of me at the cafeteria yesterday. She proceeded to complain to her father on the phone for about five minutes, arguing that she was “so unfortunate” to have to deal with a father who “doesn’t appreciate” her. She then threw in a few swear words, and hung up the phone.  She was a stranger to me; yet, I despised her for what she represented—the stereotypical SMU girl. Here she stood, Louie Vuitton Bag slung on her shoulder, dangling her car’s Lexus key ring, accusing her father of making her life miserable. Poor thing.

What really is sad is that this girl’s demeanor towards her father is in no way atypical from many teens today. I tend to hear my friends speak towards their parents in a similar manner with no filter; my peers run their mouths to their parents, oftentimes even belittling their parents.

Whatever happened to respect thy elders? Parents used to demand that their children treat them with respect, something that occurred without question. However, in many families this trait has dissolved. Many kids have a relationship with their parents like the one they have with their peers, referring to their parents as “Donna” and “Mark,” rather than “Mom” and “Dad.” Many teens even swear in from of their parents without thinking twice about it.

This carelessness towards how many teens speak to their parents reflects a great lack of respect. Parents deserve to be shown this respect because they are responsible for providing their children with so much. What we need is a change in the way many view, and therefore speak, to their parents. According to P.M. Forni, an expert in civility at John Hopkins University, the return of respect and veneration for parents is vital for teens to form valuable relationships with their parents because in doing so, “The quality of [those] relationships will substantially increase and with it the overall quality of everyday life” (62-63). 

Party at Club Fondren

As I scroll down my Facebook news feed on a Tuesday afternoon, I see several status about the "Club Fondy partying happening tonight." Statuses like "Raging in Fondren," and "Club Fondy is crazy," flood the page. At first glance, it may appear that "Club Fondy" is an actual Club where teens party at. However, the truth is that Fondren is actually the library at SMU. While these Facebook statuses may be sarcastic, they do reveal some truths. The library has become a social place now where people congregate with friends, rather than study or finish homework. And even though many do go to the library intending to be productive, doing so tends to be difficult. Those who arrive at the library just to meet up with friends contaminate the environment with their chatting and socializing, ruining one of the only places where students were once guaranteed a quiet place to study without distractions.

Don't get me wrong. I like studying with friends and around others. However, at the SMU library that goal seems distorted for many. I do think that most students retreat to the library intending to accomplish some homework. However, many spend most of their time avoiding getting much done. And consequentially, their actions prevent others from any means of productivity as well. 

For example, this past week I went to the library alone, planning on finish some reading for a class.  As I opened my book to start reading, my friend Lexi saw me and came over, asking if I wanted to study together. Her phone buzzed every five minutes from a new text message, interrupting my train of thought. Two hours into "studying" I realized I had read about ten pages. I couldn't focus. I told Lexi I had to move away from her because I wasn't getting anything done. After I moved, I focused for thirty minutes, until a group of students came in and sat at the table next to me. They chatted and laughed for a while, so I asked them if they would stop. They obliged, even though offended, looking at me as though I had asked them to stop dancing at the prom. Soon another student sat by me, crunching loudly on chips and answering phone calls. Three hours and only thirty pages in, I got up and left.

Here's my question: Why do people even bring these distractions with them? Not only does in not benefit themselves, but it hurts all of those in the library. These people's actions show that they have no respect for their fellow students. Stephen L.Carter, Professor of Law at Yale, provided in his book Civility, an example of 19-century train rides in which everyone "Followed the rules for the sake of their fellow passengers, and they did so, as one historian noted, out of a spirit of 'self-denial and the self-sacrifice of one's own comforter another's" (4).  People showed courtesy and respect for one another on these train rides.The library is like the train in this scenario. We all need to show some respect for those in the library by keeping our socializing, phones, food, and any other distractions out of the library, so that it can return as a students' refuge for studying.

Its All About How You React

My father is usually unaware of what is going on around him. Unfortunately, sometimes he disregards others because he honestly doesn't notice that they are there. For example, over winter break I had a doctor's appointment and my dad came with me. Twenty minutes late to the appointment, my dad barged through the waiting room doors, rushing up to the nurse at the front counter explaining why we were so late. My father failed to notice the three people standing in line, waiting to speak to the nurse. He just went on up and talked to the nurse as though he and her were the only people in the room. I watched the people in line react to my father. The woman first in line was shocked and annoyed, her eyes narrowing in on my father. The man behind her started to speak up, saying, "Hey, wait your turn!" My father did not hear him. However, the last woman in line calmly stod still and waited, not a bit of contempt shown on her face. I was quite surprised at her reaction.

Now, it may seem as though I do not respect my father here, but this isn't true. I love him very much. Yet, it is times like these when I want to tell him that he is being rude. However, I know he isn't doing this on purpose--my dad is honestly a kind and friendly man.  He isn't acting rude on purpose, he honestly just fails to notice those around him at times.

Looking back ath the woman who reacted in a mature way towards my father, I realize that she knew that even though she could not control the situation she was in, she did know that she controlled her reaction to it. She had mastered the art of reacting to difficult situations with a positive attitude. In the words of Forni: "Our happiness does not spring from the events of our lives but rather from how we choose to respond to those events." If we all incorporated a little more postive reacting to situations, I think that the world would be a much more civil place. It might be difficult, but it's definetly worth it because in the end--a day, a week, or a year later--you would be happy you did respond positively.

The Gossip Effect

Collegeacb.com. But as one of my friends calls it "The CB." If you're being talked about, you're on it. Everyone here at SMU knows about it. It is possibly the most offensive, hateful, and unfortunately, visited website at SMU. Essentially a gossip website, Collegeacb.com allows anyone to anonymously write about anything or anyone in the SMU community, stating information that could be true or completely false. Posts range from topics such as individual students, teachers, and Greek Organizations. Most posts are demeaning and accusatory towards people and groups. Even though the accusations made towards people have no evidence to back them up, many people assume that what is written on the website is true. A close friend of mine “Never posts, but checks the website everyday to make sure I’m not on it.” And I can understand why.


Another friend of mine unfortuately had her whole name as a discussion topic on the website by the second week of school. People kept commenting on her “thread,” and soon she had over a hundred comments under her name. These comments called her vulgar names and bullied her relentlessly. She soon did not want to leave her room much, and whenever she was with me and I introduced her to someone, that person immediately stiffened when I said her name. Even though what was posted about her was false, people began to know her as “that girl on Collegeacb” and judged her automatically. She is now considering transferring because she feels as though she is scarred forever.

My question is this: When did it ever become acceptable to publicly demean people like this? Are people now only expressing how they have felt about one another because they can do so hiding behind their computer? I feel that for the most part, the true reason that many people post hateful things on Collegeacb derives from anger and impulse. My theory goes a little something like this: Someone does something mean to me and hurts me. I, therefore angry and not in a good state of mind, decide that I will post something mean about them online to get back at them. Unfortunately, tomorrow I may regret it realizing that I was upset and irrational. However, the post is there now and there really isn’t much I can do about it so it stays.


Now, what I believe we as a culture should do to rid of this problem is master the art of restraint: ”choosing behavior that although it may not seem the most gratifying now, will make us feel good five minutes from now, tomorrow, or next year” (Forni 23). By controlling our impulses and not posting rude comments, we are choosing to act civilly towards one another. Later on in life, we can then look back at our college years and be proud that we acted righteously towards each other.